The Top 10 Things Men In Their 50s Want In A Woman

Written by: Jenny Woodward

Have you ever seen the film ‘Something’s Gotta Give’? Jack Nicholson plays a successful ageing lothario dating a woman old enough to be his granddaughter. Cringeworthy right… We’ve all encountered this type of gent haven’t we ladies? Except in real life they tend not to be millionaires and tend not to bag a 25-year old model girlfriend! But they still seem to think they can…

Back to the movie, and Nicholson resists but finally falls for a woman the same age as him (Diane Keaton) much to his horror. It’s a happy ending where he learns that he can only be fulfilled dating someone his age. But is the stereotype of the mature bachelor seeking a younger woman accurate or is it just a myth, a small percentage of men that tar all others with the same brush?

At SingleAndMature we talk to both our male and female members who are looking for love and we find that it's never that black and white. Old fashioned views on gender are crumbling and you only have to look at the rise of specialist 40+ dating sites like OlderHearts.com to see that older men are starting to look for women their own age. About time right?

But that still leaves the question, what does the average man over 50 want from a woman, deep down?

Men Over 50 Want To Feel Needed

Most men want to feel needed. It may not always seem like it, but in fact it’s written in to their DNA. There is a wealth of data that shows that women tend to pursue active lives after retirement whereas men have an increased tendency to lose their identity once their career finishes. As men enter their 50s, often their children are grown up (if they had any) and they start to run out of ‘projects’. This is why it’s a myth that single men over 50 seek specifically younger women: the reality it they often gravitate to where they feel most needed.

Many of us women in the mature age bracket are independent and strong minded by this time of life and this can be threatening for some men. Does that mean we should change for them? No! But it does pay to remember that a man likes to feel he can look after you (even if you do a perfectly good job yourself). I can open a door myself but I do like a man to hold it open for me. This gives away none of our power as women!

"Men want to feel like your hero. We want to feel like we're rescuing you from life. I'm not talking about emotionally rescuing you, or any unhealthy co-dependency here. I'm talking about us wanting to make you feel loved, honored, and adored."(1) And just as they need to provide and look after us, men need something from us too don't they? No not just that! My mother always said to me that keeping a man was easy - it's through his stomach. Keep him fed and he'll never leave. There's wisdom in those words...

Do Men Over 50 Want A Relationship?

Yes they do! Do you remember when people said George Clooney would never marry? He's a serial monogamist, people used to say. That as until he met Amal...

The truth is it's not easy to find the 'one'. I often look at couples I know who have been together for 30+ years and wonder how did they get it so right so young? Many people just haven't found the right person. We women tend to assume that single men over 50 choose to be that way or are afraid of commitment. But the evidence suggests otherwise. Mature dating sites like our very own SingleAndMature attract plenty of men over 50 who are looking for someone to share the rest of their lives with. Go back even 10 years and there were very few specialist dating agencies like this catering for people over 50. But as times change, the internet has become a great place to meet someone special. You can browse profiles in your area and see who catches your eye from the comfort of your home. What we see is that there are plenty of older men who are not 'tainted goods' but who genuinely want to meet someone special.

Far from seeking cheap thrills with younger women, they seem to gravitate to women their own age who have had similar life experiences and who can hold a good conversation.

Faithfulness, supportiveness and reliability are therefore traits that older men feel more attracted to, as opposed to being attracted to unpredictability and adventure. This doesn't mean that men in their later years don't want to have fun, but their priorities are just different and more mature than when they are younger. It also explains why men marry at older ages than women in countries like the UK (2).

Men In Later Years Still Want Excitement

Do you find men over 50 to fall in to the Richard Gere 'silver fox' category or the grumpy old codger lot? I know some of each! But a new relationship can breath life back in to a man. One of the major complaints about older gents is that they are too set in their ways and can no longer change. This can be true. I like to think of people like clay - the longer it's been set, the more brittle and harder to mould. But romance is the water: we've all seen friends who behave like giddy teenagers later in life when they get a second chance at a relationship and we tend to look down condescendingly at them. But don't we all deserve some romance in later years? I'm not ready to be put out to pasture thank you very much...

This is reflected when we find out that men typically outscore women on the ‘Romantic Beliefs Scale', a study that compared gender role-orientation and looked at gender attitudes towards romance (3). How do you find a man who's actually seeking excitement and romance? Fish where the fish are! At sites like SingleAndMature and Mature Singles Agency you know you're only going to be talking to people who want new experiences and to meet new people.

Romance is an important part of keeping a relationship together, as it allows to regularly re-kindle that flame that is burning between the two of you. Some romantic qualities can therefore go along way if you're looking at dating mature men yourself. Ultimately, men want to be satisfied when it comes to their emotions. They will enjoy spending special moments together that will make them feel loved, and also that will remind them of the love they feel for you.

Older Men Love It When You Bring Out The Masculinity Within Them

Have you ever noticed that as men get older, a lot try to behave in a more macho way than when they were younger? It can look comical when you see men in their 50s desperately trying to pump iron in the gym, but at least they are looking after themselves!

Older men sometimes want to prove they can still look after you and I personally find this sweet. This could be doing some physical work, carrying heavy things around…

It has been observed that older men cling to the 1950's and 1960's masculine value (4). It therefore makes sense that men over their 50's will come across as more masculine than people from later generations.

This can be a bit overbearing at times, but if we reverse the situation, most women also want men to bring out their feminine side.

Being made to feel like we are representing our own gender is part of finding our role in a relationship, so it is a good thing not to take that away from your partner. So don't forget that even if it can feel like we are patting our partner on the back, this sort of positive reinforcement can play a long way into establishing the dynamics of a relationship and the different roles people play into it.

Men In Their 50's Want More Than Just Sex

This is very much worth mentioning. We stated earlier that older men prefer relationships and favour romance, but that doesn't mean they are not interest in having sex. However, it seems like they are there for the whole package, rather than just wanting to have fun.

"The real magic of sex doesn't just exist in the midst of intercourse. What happens before and after add to the whole experience of sex, and older partners are champions at making those parts matter just as much."(5) Most men want sex to be something more, with more feelings and emotions attached.In these day where no-strings relationships are more common, it is great to hear that older men generally see women as much more than just someone to have sex with.

What this also means is that they expect women not to treat them like they are just being used for sex. They want to feel valued and loved, while also feeling sexually adequate.

Mature Men Value Intelligence.

Not all men in their 50's will want to get together with a scientist or a genius, but they do appreciate a woman being intelligent. As much as older men love to feel useful, they also want someone else that can help them make the right decisions in their everyday life.

As masculine as they get, men in their 50's don't mind being challenged as long as there are good intelligent reasons behind it. It is a case of them recognising reason over wanting to be right.

Professor David Bainbridge from the University of Cambridge revealed that the main thing men are looking for in a woman is intelligence. He says, it is because intelligence shows that a woman will be able to look after her children (6).

How this really translates for men in their later years is that they just appreciate if you can contribute and help them make the right decisions. Single Dads will be on the look for someone who can be intelligent enough to look after their children. It doesn't mean older men want to be challenged and second-guessed every step of the way. Instead, they just want a good team mate who can help them to make the right call and stop them from doing the wrong things. In other words, they want a contributing partner whom they can rely on to guide them towards the right path.

Men In Their Later Years Like A Fun Woman

So far everything we mentioned about men in their 50's makes it sound like they are far too serious about dating, but the reality is that they also want to have fun. They really appreciate a good sense of humour, and laughing as part of their day to day lives.

This does contrast with younger men who prefer being the source of that humour themselves to be the centre of attention. As men get older, and they actually appreciate your humorous inputs more than in their younger years.

In short, even though older men are more serious, they also need to have a good time and fun moments to alleviate all the stresses of everyday life. Looking online at popular forums, we can see that men do concede to enjoying women's sense of humour as they grow older. It is not something that is always the case when they are younger, but older age certainly does bring in more appreciation. (7)

Having a sense of humour is a good thing when it comes to dating mature men. You will need to be able to see the light and funny aspect of things yourself if you want to enjoy a relationship that is full of different emotions.

Mature Men Like Women Who Share Similar Values

Older men recognise that having different values and principles can lead to a lot of clashing and arguing. This is due to experience, realising that people who hold the same values simply get on better. What this means is that they expect women to hold similar points of view, and at least agree on some fundamental basic principles.

"Don't be too serious: Try to relax and seek out companionship based on shared values and common interests." (8) Men in their later years don't expect to you to agree with every single point they make, but they do want to share the same fundamental principles. They understand that people who are alike make for a more stable relationship.

Therefore it is best that they find a woman who agrees with them on most things in life, as opposed to finding a woman whom they will try to change over the course of their relationship.

Men In Their Later Years Value Ambition In A Woman

There might be a cliché about men still wanting to be the bread winners, but in reality older men have gone to really appreciate a woman who has ambition. This is because older men value teamwork a whole lot more, and they appreciate that their woman has goals and objectives.

Not all men appreciate ambition in a woman, but men in their later years are attracted towards women's independence and they are happy when women want to achieve things in their lives.

"For the men who can resist the initial intimidation of these successful women, they will relish in the energy that flows from them. And they can feed off that energy and use it to make themselves better." (9) As much as older men enjoy staying busy, they also expect that their partner will feel happier if they have things going for themselves. They love to see women being happy doing what they do best, and it also takes some attention away from them so they are not always at the centre of things.

Older Men Want Women To Be Themselves

In a similar way that they want to be accepted as who they are, men also expect women to be themselves. They appreciate the spirit of compromise, but they want a partner who shows their true character.

"If you're true to yourself, it is easier to act in ways that build intimacy in relationships, and that's going to make your relationship more fulfilling" (10) Older men have realised that women are not a project, they aren't someone they can change to their mould. In shorter words: they want you to be yourself, and they can determine from there if you are compatible.

Experience has shown men that pretending to be someone else for the sake of the relationship mostly leads to a failure of said relationship. You should therefore be yourself and from there you will find the right man who will accept you for who you are.

So What Do Men In Their 50's Want?

To sum it, men in their later years become more serious about their relationships, and they also want to feel like they are valued. At first this doesn't strike as being anything particularly exceptional. However when we compare it to their younger counterparts, we realise that mature men are indeed more mature about how they approach dating.

What this means is that they also want women to be a little more mature, more decisive and they value women's contributions to the relationship. The best way to approach men in their 50's is therefore with as much respect as they treat us with. If you are looking for a long term relationship in your later years, you will be pleased to know that most mature men are looking for the exact same thing.

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Sources

1.https://www.davidwygant.com/blog/what-men-truly-desire-in-a-woman/
2.https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/families/bulletins/familiesandhouseholds/2017
3.https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/close-encounters/201410/6-myths-about-men-women-and-relationships
4.https://phys.org/news/2016-10-older-men-1950s-60s-blueprint.html
5.https://hellogiggles.com/love-sex/8-ways-sex-can-different-older-s-o/
6.http://www.davidbainbridge.org/07curvology.htm
7.https://www.quora.com/Do-men-like-funny-women
8.http://sixtyandme.com/what-do-older-men-want-when-it-comes-to-dating/
9.https://www.californiapsychics.com/blog/love-relationships/men-like-ambitious-women.html
10.https://news.osu.edu/news/2010/03/15/betrue/